Now several years post-divorce, relationship expert and humorist Mark Miller has experienced more than five hundred first dates. In 500 Dates, composed of fifty-five humor essays, Miller features the highlights and lowlights of those dates. Among the true dating tales and revelations you will find in this book are: * How Miller and his date learned the limitations of a man being too emotionally expressive. ("Most guys consider revealing more about themselves emotionally and communicating on a deeper level nearly as enjoyable as falling face-first onto an ice pick--or spending the rest of eternity listening to Celine Dion music.") * Miller's realization that sometimes men have to pay a heavy price for their dates' previous relationship behavior.("At least six different times, God has matched me up with a woman who has had a long history of wild, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred sex. She invariably finds something lacking in that lifestyle and decides to make a change. Starting with the very next man she dates. Who is invariably me.") * Miller's misguided social experiment to separate dating from status by spending less than $20 on the date, purchasing everything at a 99¢ store, and what he learned, as a result, about his date and himself. ("I realize now that on the journey of romance, thrift and creativity will take you only so far - for the rest of the trip, you'll need MasterCard.") * Revealed for the first time the inner workings of a man's brain. ("Cerebellum.